Celebs should join Eurovision Song Contest and ban Russia

After its barbaric invasion of Ukraine, it’s time to wipe Russia off the cultural map.

I’ve been glued to CNN since Thursday, when that sociopath Vladimir Putin, with his dead eyes and Supercuts hairdo and delusions of Czar grandeur, added “war criminal” to his kleptocratic CV. I am a pacifist by nature. But if I had superpowers, I would not hesitate to fly to Moscow and vaporize this murderous tyrant. Outrage doesn’t begin to describe how I feel.

In other words, I now feel like every decent and sentient soul in the free world.

The harrowing footage of Ukrainians seeking shelter in subway stations as an occupying army dropped bombs and tanks rolled across the border of Europe’s largest democracy brought back fuzzy memories of images from books about the Second World War.

I had to check my calendar. Is it 1939? Vladimir should change his name to Adolf.

And that is why the free world — especially the cultural nexus of entertainment and sports — needs to be resolute in turning Russia into a pariah state. I’m not saying Miley Cyrus needs to take up arms. All I’m saying is celebrities, artists, athletes, companies and leagues need to treat Russia as an existential threat, one as radioactive as Chernobyl.

So kudos to the Eurovision Song Contest, which on Friday announced Russia is banned from this year’s competition in May. As the European Broadcasting Union noted: “The decision reflects concern that, in light of the unprecedented crisis in Ukraine, the inclusion of a Russian entry in this year’s contest would bring the competition into disrepute.”

Yes, it would, especially for an event that last year had 180 million viewers and was founded in 1956 with a postwar spirit of harmony and friendly mic rivalry between sovereign nations that abide by the rule of international law.

The only time Russia should be allowed to sing again is at The Hague.

Kudos also to the International Olympic Committee that just urged all sports organizations to shun Russia. When the IOC takes a moral stand, you know the target country is beyond redemption. This followed news the Union of European Football Associations had relocated its Champions League tournament from St. Petersburg to Paris. Good. Formula One cancelled this year’s Russian Grand Prix. Good. In tennis, Monday’s ATP Challenger tournament in Moscow is cancelled. Good.

Now it’s time for the world’s biggest celebrities to enter the war theatre to denounce this revolting Russian aggression. Every boldface star with a platform and influence should be standing with Ukraine. Otherwise, there is no point in having a platform and influence.

In an Instagram post, Arnold Schwarzenegger provided a template when he wrote: “I do know what it’s like to grow up after a war, in an occupied country, and I know that in war and its aftermath, no one wins. Everyone suffers … I stand with the people of Ukraine.”

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle released a similar message, vowing to “stand with the people of Ukraine against this breach of international and humanitarian law and encourage the global community and its leaders to do the same.”

NATO allies have responded to Russia’s evil with economic sanctions. A part of me wishes the free world would create a coalition and militarily engage this Putin lunatic to help Ukraine — and prevent the next Ukraine. Take the fight to this madman. While his soldiers are wreaking havoc in Ukraine, launch a surprise attack on Moscow. Burn it to the ground.

Decapitate that leadership.

But another part of me realizes this would trigger the Third World War and Russia has more nuclear missiles than Taco Bell has burritos. It’s complicated. Dealing with autocratic thugs who don’t care about human life is like dealing with apex predators. You can’t have diplomacy with a shark. You can’t reason with a tiger. You can’t appeal to the politesse of a grizzly.

You can, however, cut the head off a snake with strategic slashes from all sides.

Make no mistake: Russia is now a clear and present danger to all of us. Economic sanctions are a good start. But global sports and entertainment should also not underestimate the power of cultural sanctions, especially when punishing a paranoid narcissist who remains prone to fanboy gushing when it comes to arts and recreation.

I think I’ve watched Putin play hockey more than I watched my daughters do ballet.

Hollywood needs to break up with this rogue state. Celebrities should bail on lucrative endorsement deals with Russian advertisers. Netflix’s international development squad should see Moscow as no different than Pyongyang. Musicians should exclude the country from concert tours. Western pop culture should view Putin the way vegans view a bacon double cheeseburger. Putin has tumbled through a crack in the space-time continuum and thinks he can go back to recreate the world order before 1991. He needs to be reminded it is 2024.

Banishing Russia from the world stage should not just be limited to Russia. Not now.

Every cultural figure should answer a simple question: Do you stand with Ukraine?

Valery Gergiev, who has close ties with the Kremlin, refused to answer and is now out as the conductor of the Vienna Philharmonic, which was scheduled to start a U.S. tour Friday at Carnegie Hall. Good. Anyone, anywhere, who is on friendly terms with Putin — or is depraved enough to rationalize the coldly premeditated death and destruction in Ukraine — needs to go.

The entertainment industry is a dream factory. But it has real power.

And there is no grey zone here.

You either stand with Ukraine or you stand with tyranny.